I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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