Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
