Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
