I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
