....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize