She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize