I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
operation have a gay friend backfired
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
