i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
