apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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