Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
