if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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