So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
