Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
