Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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