dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
