Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's shark week go big or go home
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
