I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize