are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
