I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
