Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
