I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
