and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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