you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
