so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
