I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
