There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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