there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
