So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
