she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize