So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You're like the curious george of whores
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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