haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize