What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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