im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
