sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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