So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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