ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize