ya dads aren't the best wingmen
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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