if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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