she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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