I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
