why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
