I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
