I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
