I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
