But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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