So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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