Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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