i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
