Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
