I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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