I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
