I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
being pregnant is like rehab
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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