Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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