I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
