In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
