Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish you could order shots online.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize