We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
