Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We have so much sex to catch up on
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
