Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
