if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
