you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
