Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
