girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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