Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
