We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
