Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
