her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
