This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
