Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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