it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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