I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
