its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
