all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
